We have a sixteen screen multiplex cinema. Here we really put contempt into action. Our designers have ensured that we can squeeze as many people as possible into seats which don't have enough leg room for tall people.

We sell food and drink at prices that are more than the cinema tickets themselves.

We like to play on the emotional blackmail of children on their parents! We ensure that queuing is as uncomfortable as possible and when we allow people in to see the films we ensure our ticket collectors tear the tickets rudely in half (no eye contact) right there in front of the gullible customers.

Also at particularly busy periods we don't clean the cinemas and herds of people leave our cinemas with popcorn stuck to the soles of their shoes.

Also, because our customers behave like animals, leaving chewing gum stuck to the underside of just about every seat and cafe table, we have given up trying to remove it at all.

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