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The Castle of Contempt

Contemptuous Education

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Welcome to the Castle of Contempt's exclusive elite management school! Here you will learn the “Sheep Dip” approach to management and how to treat employees as a herd. We teach a broad curriculum which is exam based, we have lecture rooms which can take up to two thousand people and a staff-to-student ratio of 100 to 1 making our tutorial groups amongst the largest in the academic world. We simply do not have the time or resources to meet students individually and most learning and teaching is delivered via video-conferencing. I, as Principal of the University of Contempt am proud and delighted to say that I have never actually met a student in my life.

Our current favourite management theory is one, which we know has gained much currency in the world at large. It is called "
Total Quality Management". It is such an astoundingly silly philosophy when managed using our theory of contempt that we have of course included it in our curriculum. It is one of our favourite "sheep dip" approaches.

Other Courses we run in the University of Contempt:

- How to Squeeze more and more people into a smaller and smaller space (Masters Degree)

101 Ways to say No
101 More ways to say No
(Since these courses are often over-subscribed you will probably be turned away without so much as a "thank you for your application) and we reserve the right to cut the number of ways to say no down to 21 or even less)

How to get people off your back (Bachelors Degree)

How to be Minimal with others (PHD programme)



DO sign up for one of our courses. We cannot guarantee a speedy reply to your application as we have so many people applying.

“Good education is like good sheep dipping. Get as many through as quickly and consistently as possible.”


Department of
Contemptuous Education Guidelines