|
Wretched contentment
Wretched contentment is a state of happiness that is akin to a calm-looking lake that hides dangerous, swirling, even chaotic undercurrents, hidden below the surface, sometimes, so deeply below the surface that they may never make their presence known at the surface level.
One can feel very happy indeed in a state of wretched contentment, often for many years. A satisfying job, friends, more than enough money, a varied social life, a good relationship - all of these things can form part of being wretchedly content. One can be liked, popular, engaging in creative activity, healthy, and even feeling at ease with life, and still be wretchedly content. So what is so wretched about such a life?
Firstly, the wretchedness is only really defined by the life-liver, and not anyone else, unless the life-liver seeks feedback and input from a trusted and reliable source. The wretchedness lies, often, deeply below the surface of daily life. It is linked to that sense we have of the longer-run aspect of our life. Not everyone feels a threat of long-term continuity in their life, hinting at a life task, a purpose, a vocation, a calling, or even a destiny. But for those that do, this longer-term feeling of deeper meaningfulness, at certain times in life, calls to be heard, to be respected, and even realised, What was I born to do? What does my "gut" tell me I (to quote the Spice Girls) really, really, really, really, really, really want?
It doesn't matter what one is doing in life, how contented one feels in life; if, when digging deeper one feels a sense of NOT realising one's unique purpose, then the contentedness has wretched qualities. Wretched contentment is all about trading surface happiness and satisfaction in the short-term, for a longer term sense of life purpose and fulfillment. Over time, the renewal of short-term happiness each moment, each day begins to be felt as a strung-together chain of repetition; we enjoy each day, but the marginal satisfaction may lessen over time as we see our contentment as somewhat "empty" or even superficial. As life progresses, the taste of things becomes diluted.
Fulfillment is elusive, even as we have a ticked list of things we have in our lives - the house, the car, the friends, the social whirl, the partner, the cat, the dog, all the TV channels, the charities we give to, the gadgets...But what we don't have is FILL-FULLment. We feel QUITE full in life, even very full, but there's a sense of something missing, something missed, something perhaps avoided, or never truly encountered. There may be a sense of someone in life we were supposed to really meet and get to know and hear something essential they had to say to us. That person is, of course, ourselves.
If we feel we might be wretchedly content, this is often the real "me" trying to warn us that life is passing us by. Even as we are relatively happy, the inner "me" tries to make me despair! Like a demon (or an angel?) on our shoulder, it whispers: "Take a deep sigh, friend, for this happiness you have is only skin deep, and you've developed such a thick skin, you can't feel your real nerves any more.
Realising we are wretchedly content makes us feel our nerves - we feel nerv-ous. We feel dis-eased, dissatisfied. Our fellow wretchedly content friends (who we have often cleverly surrounded ourselves with -even partners, lovers) become agitated to and tell us to value what we have, to stop "analysing" and, of course, to enjoy the moment. Often the inner voice won't go away and it suggests to us a horrifying path out of the land of wretched contentment. It tells us to leave the calmness of the surface and to dive into the dark depths, perhaps never to surface again. There may be our true heart hidden in the dead man's chest, but mostly there is simply uncertainty and the shadowy unknown of a place unknown to ourselves - the real "I".
The path out of wretched contentment leads into the land of wretchedness. Beyond that forbidding and sparse land's sharp-peaked mountains lies the land of real contentment, a place where we meet who we were truly born to be.
Contentment is a feeling that exists along a number of dimensions.
Contentment can have a "high" and a "low" aspect. One can feel up or down at different times. Praise from someone can "Lift" the spirits and put one on a high. Alcohol makes some people high and some it creates a "downer". This dimension can also change over time. In the short-term, we can get a "High" from praise, but feel "low" when we consider that the job we are in pays so little. Or, again, an alcoholic drink can give us a short-term high, but make us feel depressed a few hours later. So, there is an "up" or "down" aspect.
There is also a "full" or "empty" dimension. We can feel contented because we have "enough" money in the bank, or the person we love and who loves us back, makes us feel satisfied. We can feel "full" and "satisfied" after a meal. But we can also feel "full" after a meal but not satisfied - tired and sluggish. Or we can have a full 8 hours sleep but wake up feeling tired, as if the sleep didn't refill our energy tank! We can also fill our day watching all of our favourite TV shows but feel empty, that the day was a waste. The voice of wretched contentment often speaks out here. If we have a day watching every episode of a favourite TV series, once in a while, it can be a genuinely satisfying thing. If we are doing it day after day, even if we enjoy each programme, we often have a sense of the time being "empty" and "wasted."
For many (though not all) people, there is also a dimension of meaning or purpose. We can give money to charity once a week, and still not feel we are "doing much" for the world. We can be in a job that provides products or services, and not feel we are "useful" to the world. We can be successful on a career ladder, but not feel we are "making a difference. For many people, the idea that their life, no matter how personally successful or materially satisfying, leaves no social or purposeful footprint in the sands of history, is a discouraging thing.
|
.jpg)
